英語校園笑話
① 短小的英語笑話
Part-time Job
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
業余工作
我兒子在一所中學讀二年級時，在一家超級市場找到了一份包裝商品的業余工作。他滿面笑容地回到了家。
「第一天感覺如何？」我問。
「好極了，爸爸。」他答道，「我跟許多漂亮的女孩子講了話。」
由於斯蒂芬不善言談，我問道：「你跟他們說了些什麼？」
「你是喜歡紙包裝還是塑料包裝？」
Keys? Kiss?
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
鑰匙還是接吻
我的一位朋友在給一個成人學生班級上英語課。他們都是新近來美國生活的。在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之後，他請全班同學給他挑出尺子，書本，鋼筆等。課進行得井然有序，學生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認真。後來輪到一名來自義大利的學生，我的朋友說：「給我鑰匙。」那人看起來非常吃驚，也有點手足無措。看到這種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，於是又重復了一遍：「給我鑰匙。」那位義大利學生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."
自己做好准備
校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上面寫著：「媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除。讓爸爸做好准備。」
兩天以後，他收到了回電：「爸爸已准備好。你自己做好准備吧!」
② 幫忙找3個英語笑話
1.Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
5.the lowest grade
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
最低分
學生：「教授先生，我這次考試已經竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應該得零蛋。」
老師：「我也是。但是這已經是我能給的最低分了！」
6.Real Play
When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current proction and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
逼真的戲劇
我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當時的演出，並寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出後，一名學生寫道：「這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致於我認為我自己是坐在家裡的沙發上，從電視上看到的。」 [nextpage]
7.the chemical formula for water
Teacher: What the chemical formula for water is the ?
Blonde: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Blonde: Yesterday you said its H to O!
水的分子式
老師：水的分子式是什麼？
花瓶：HIJKLMNO！！
老師：你在說什麼？
花瓶：昨天你不是說H to O嗎？
8.Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."
自己做好准備
校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上面寫著：「媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除。讓爸爸做好准備。」
兩天以後，他收到了回電：「爸爸已准備好。你自己做好准備吧!」 9 a pig and a dog are walking on the road，pig says：i am a pig.
dog says：yes！ you are a pig！
夠短小吧？ 夠簡單不？ 沒有比這更簡單更搞笑的了 咱要的就是這種冷幽默的效果啊 是不
③ 簡單的英語小笑話有哪些
我這有幾個英語小笑話： 校園幽默四則
1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"
4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
④ 超短英語笑話
Class and Ass
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".
班和笨驢
格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門上貼了這樣一個通知：「勞里教授今天不見他的班級。」
一個學生讀了通知後，擦掉了字母「c」(lass：姑娘)。
後來勞里教授來了，也想開開玩笑，他擦掉了字母「l」(ass：笨驢)。
Plagiarism
A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.
"You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered.
My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism."
抄 襲
我有個朋友在聖路易斯的華盛頓大學教歐洲歷史，他說有一次他發現了一篇抄襲的學期論文。他把那個學生叫到了辦公室。「這不是你寫的，」他說，「有人幫你從網路全書上原封不動地列印了下來。」
「你沒有證據。」那學生氣急敗壞地說。
我朋友笑了，他把論文拿給他看。用紅筆圈出來的是：「也可參閱共產主義一文。」
Virtue
Many years after receiving my graate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
獲取研究生學位多年以後，我回到位於賓翰頓的紐約州立大學當教員。一天，電梯里很擁擠，有人抱怨電梯效率太低。我說自我在那裡當學生起，20年來電梯一直沒有換過。
最後當電梯門打開時，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回過頭來我看到一位年長的修女正在朝我微笑。「你會拿到學位的，親愛的，」她低聲說道：「堅持不懈是一種美德。」
Difference
"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," observed the instructor in one of my graate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graate students just write it down."
區 別
「研究生班和本科生很容易就能區別開來，」在洛杉磯加利福利亞州立大學給我們研究生上工程學課的老師如此說。「我說『下午好』，本科生們回答說『下午好』。研究生們則把我說的話記在筆記本上。」
Flunking Math
My son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student.
"Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!"
"And just what does this mean?" I asked.
"I'm flunking math," he replied.
數學沒及格
我兒子是印第安那市曼西爾波州立大學的學生，大學一年級就上了系主任的名單。第二年他學心理學，剛幾個星期他就給家裡打了個電話。
「媽媽，」他激動地說：「我找到了如何在大學里生存下去的答案!重要的不是分數，而是具備將學到的知識應用於日常生活的素質。我很幸運地有了這種奇妙的經歷。」
「你到底是什麼意思？」我問道。
「我數學沒及格。」他回答說。
Part-time Job
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
業余工作
我兒子在一所中學讀二年級時，在一家超級市場找到了一份包裝商品的業余工作。他滿面笑容地回到了家。
「第一天感覺如何？」我問。
「好極了，爸爸。」他答道，「我跟許多漂亮的女孩子講了話。」
由於斯蒂芬不善言談，我問道：「你跟他們說了些什麼？」
「你是喜歡紙包裝還是塑料包裝？」
Keys? Kiss?
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
鑰匙還是接吻
我的一位朋友在給一個成人學生班級上英語課。他們都是新近來美國生活的。在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之後，他請全班同學給他挑出尺子，書本，鋼筆等。課進行得井然有序，學生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認真。後來輪到一名來自義大利的學生，我的朋友說：「給我鑰匙。」那人看起來非常吃驚，也有點手足無措。看到這種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，於是又重復了一遍：「給我鑰匙。」那位義大利學生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."
自己做好准備
校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上面寫著：「媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除。讓爸爸做好准備。」
兩天以後，他收到了回電：「爸爸已准備好。你自己做好准備吧!」
⑤ 英語笑話方面的問題.有沒有關於校園生活的英語小笑話
一. 上學的時候,有一天我在宿舍准備換褲子，剛抽掉褲帶，不料進來幾個女學生，沒辦法，我只好提著褲子來到隔壁宿舍。我解開扣子正要脫時，不料又進來幾個女學生，沒辦法，我只好提著褲子來到下一個宿舍門口。因為我雙手提著褲子，又很著中國，只好一腳踹開宿舍門，同時大喊：「裡面有沒有女人？有沒有女人？」只見屋裡坐著一大堆女生，恐怖地望著我…… 二. 一天地理老師問同學們，河水向哪裡流呀？ 一學生猛站起來唱到：大河向東流啊。 老師沒理會他，接著說，天上有中國顆星星啊？ 那位同學又唱到：天上的星星參北斗啊。 老師氣中國：你給我滾出去！ 學生：說走咱就走啊。 老師無奈說：你有病吧？ 學生：你有我有全都有啊! 老師：你再說一句試試..... 學生：路見不平一聲吼啊！ 老師：你信不信我揍你？ 學生：該出手時就出手... 老師怒：我讓你退學！ 學生：風風火火闖九州！ 呵呵，提前祝願在外面飄泊闖盪的兄弟姐妹們 三. 各位正在念書的朋友都知道，有的同學經常會設下一些「套」來跟你開玩笑。記得學《岳陽樓記》的時候，同學A突然指著課本上的「刻唐賢今人詩賦於其上」一句中的「詩賦」二字問我：「這兩個字怎麼念？」我一時不防，脫口而出：「『詩賦』啊！」A馬上答道：「哎，徒弟！」我才知上當。當下我苦思片刻，已有了報復之法，我問：「那你說這兩個字怎麼念？」A說：「我不認識。」我早知有此一答，於是笑著說：「你也太不象話了！你連『師傅』都不認識了！」 四. 美術課結束，老師把同學的圖畫簿一本本地收上來，康康在交圖畫簿時對老師說：「老師，請別把我的簿於放在最下面。」老師奇怪地問：「為什麼？」「因為我畫的是雞蛋，放在下面會壓碎的。」 5. 有次上英語課，外面傳來陣陣發動摩托車的聲音。這聲音持續了很久，吵得人不得安穩。這時候，老師發現了大家的煩躁，搖頭說，「中國的摩托車呀……。唉！」下課了，我們才發現，是工人在伐木！ 陸. 心不在焉的教授病了，不得不住進醫院。大夫來到他的病房門口時，護士說：「教授，大夫來了。」可憐的教授哼了哼說道：「告訴他我現在不能見他。我病得太厲害了。」 漆. 朋友和我初進軍官學校受訓，頗引以為榮。我們剛從物料供應處拿到制服，看見有個身穿制服的人迎面而來，連忙立正敬禮，同時大聲說：「長官，您早。」 「早，」對方答道，「郵政局人員衷誠為您效勞。」 吧. 上解剖課時,解剖台上放著五個心臟,其中一個比別的至少大四倍。 同學竊語:"這個人一定是得胸水死的." "這個人一定是得心肌炎死的,心臟變得那麼厚,一定是發炎了." "這個人一定是得心肌梗死的,左右心室都肥厚." 老師說:"為了讓同學們看得更清楚,今天特意准備了一個大牛心..." 同學:!@@$%^&* 一日上解剖課講肌肉組織,老師找不到教鞭了於是從解剖台上挑出一條人的上臂,舉著,指著黑板說:"咱們來講下一個問題.".... 9. 老師：「如果你的褲子的一個口袋裡有二十馬克，而另一個口袋裡有五十馬克，這說明什麼？」學生：「這說明我穿的不是自己的褲子。」 一0. 老師：請把「我的哥哥去學校」這句話改寫成將來式。學生：我哥哥的兒子去學校。 一一. 電腦課上，心不在焉的盧卡被教授點名提問。「為什麼不回答，盧卡，我提出的問題很難嗎？」「噢，不，先生。你的問題我完全懂，是答案把我難住了。」 一二. 幾個學生湊在一起,比誰最不崇洋媚外。王甲首先發言:我從來就不買外國貨；李乙搖了搖腦袋:我從來不看外國電影；張丙慢條斯理地站起來說:哼,入學以來,我外語考試從來不及格
⑥ 求幾則英語小笑話，簡短的，並配翻譯，謝謝。
womanA:my dog is very clever.
我的狗很聰明
womanB:my dog is cleverer than yours.
我的狗比你的聰明。
A:my dog buys newspapers for me ever day.
我的狗每天幫我買報紙。
B:i know that.
我知道。
A:why?i didn't tell you before!
為什麼？我以前沒告訴過你啊！
B:my dog tells me.
我的狗告訴我的。
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」
⑦ 簡單的英語小笑話
我這有幾個英語小笑話： 校園幽默四則
1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"
4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
⑧ 英語經典笑話、感人的故事
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor
一名藝術家問畫廊老闆，最近有沒有人對他展出的畫感興趣。「這有好消息和壞消息，」老闆回答。「好消息是有一位先生咨詢你的作品，他想知道在你死後你的畫會不會升值。我告訴他你的畫會升值，他就把你的15幅畫全都買走了。」
「真是太好了」，藝術家是喜形於色，「那壞消息是什麼？」帶著關心的口吻，畫廊老闆回答，「買畫的人是你的醫生」。
⑨ 最簡單的英語笑話
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
其餘的事由我負責
一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
「快點，小姐!」他喊道：「請把門關上。」
「噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。」她回答道。
「請把門關上好了，」列車員說：「其餘的事由我負責。」
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠葯
鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠葯。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了葯，睡得很好，在鬧鍾響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老闆說：「我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。」
「好啊!」老闆吼道，「那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？」
A Smugglar
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
"What's in here?" he asked.
"Dirt," the driver replied.
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."
走私犯
一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊綳綳的大口袋。
「裡面裝的是什麼？」他問道。
「土。」司機回答。
「把袋子拿出來」，哨兵命令道：「我要檢查。」
那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋裡除了土以外，別無他特。哨兵很不情願地讓他通過了。
一周後，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。
「這次袋子里裝的是什麼？」他問道。
「土，又運了一些土。」那人回答。
哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。
同樣的事情每周重演一次，一共持續了六個月。最後，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，乾脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。有天夜裡，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，「我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什麼東西？」
那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：「汽車。」
Skunk
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
臭 鼬
「我們的地下室里有一隻臭鼬，」打電話的人對警察調度員尖叫道。「我們怎樣才能把它弄出來？」
「弄一些麵包屑，」調度員說，「從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到後院。然後將地下室的門打開。」
一段時間後，那位居民又將電話打了回來。「你們將它弄出來了嗎？」調度員問。
「沒有，」打電話的人答道，「現在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。」
Patience
Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself?
Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.
耐 性
垂釣者：你已經盯著看了三個小時了，你幹嘛不自己親自釣呢？
旁觀者：我沒那耐性。
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前禱告詞
朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。「上帝，求求你，」她說，「讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都吧。」
媽媽打斷她的話說：「朱莉葉，為什麼求上帝讓那不勒斯成為義大利的首都呢？」
朱莉葉回答道：「因為我在地理考卷上是這樣寫的。」
Things Have Been Okay
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."
"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"
"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."
一切都正常
一對年輕夫婦有個兒子，已經四歲了，還沒有開品說話，他們對此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫生們總覺得他沒有毛病。後來有一天早上吃早餐時，那孩子突然開口了：「媽媽，麵包烤焦了。」
「你說話了!你說話了!」他母親叫了起來。「我太高興了!但為什麼花了這么長的時間呢？」
「哦，在這之前，」那男孩說，「一切都很正常。」
That's Why
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money."
Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty.
"That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!"
One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?"
"Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."
原來如此
吉米三歲開始畫畫，五歲時已經畫得很好了。他畫了很多美麗而有趣的畫，人們出高價購買。他們說，「這個孩子長大一點肯定會出名，我們可以靠這些畫大賺一筆。」
吉米的畫與眾不同。因為他從來不在整張紙上作畫。他只畫一半的紙，而另一半他總空著。
「構思多麼巧妙啊!」大家都說，「從來沒有人這么做過。」
有一天，一個人買了吉米的畫，然後問他：「請告訴我，吉米，你為什麼總是在紙的下半部分畫畫，而不是在紙的上半部分？」
吉米說，「因為我個頭小，夠不著上面。」
A Trip to Disney
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Good-by, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Good-by, Minnie."
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Good-by, Money."
迪斯尼之族
弗羅里達州的迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅遊，我們全身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之後，我們要回家了。
當我們驅車離開時，兒子揮手說：「再見，美奇。」
女兒揮著手說，「再見，美妮。」
丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道：「再見，美元。」
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
勢均力敵
有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：「放點乳酪在裡面，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。」
這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家裡，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到乳酪。她不想再回到商店裡去，因為已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅乳酪的圖片放進了夾子。
令人稱奇的是，這畫有乳酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾里乳酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."
自己做好准備
校園里流傳著這樣的故事：一個學生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上面寫著：「媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除。讓爸爸做好准備。」
兩天以後，他收到了回電：「爸爸已准備好。你自己做好准備吧!」